How stammering has helped me get the best from my team

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Stuart, presenting in the workplace

Small business owner Stuart Angell tells us how stammering has made him a better leader, and about the approach that helps him deliver presentations.

"Michelle Andrews?"

"Yes Miss."

"John Adams?"

"Yes Miss."

"Stuart Angell?"

… then there's a pause as I try to say those two simple words, but I can't. I sit in the middle of my classroom aged 10 enduring the school register. I knew this moment was coming, it happens every morning — the same routine, the same outcome. I am doing everything I can to not look around the class, at anyone else. Just focus on the teacher and say those two words! Then the teacher lifts the pen, the simple, imperceivable act that no-one else sees as she waits for me to speak. This is the crushing blow that symbolises my failure. The fire in my cheeks burns and I start to rock in my chair, trying to punch the words out from my lungs. I can't breathe and I rush just to make any sound. 

Some days the words come, but not today. Maybe I'm tired or anxious about it being a Tuesday: we always read aloud on a Tuesday. Just say the words and it'll be over! Eventually, after what feels like an hour (although is probably only a few seconds), the rocking works, the creaking rhythm of my chair is a precursor to a short, stumbled…

"Yes Miss."

…and the world moves on. The teacher continues the register and I can finally breathe, until tomorrow, until the next time.

Learning to cope

Speech therapy helped control my speech through the motivation-sapping reading of Janet and John books at 30 words a minute (it's really hard to do!), with the support of my family and friends. 

In many cases I let people speak for me.... I knew that this didn't help me, but my introverted self was happy to sit in the background.

In comfortable surroundings my speech was unaffected. But in many cases I let people speak for me. They would often complete my sentences in situations where they knew my anxiety would get the better of me. I knew that this didn't help me, but my introverted self was happy to sit in the background: If I didn't try, I wouldn't fail! But like everyone, I had to develop my own mechanisms to manage my speech and anxiety. For me, this was done by putting myself in challenging situations, even if I didn't want to. 

Over the years I have tried a number of things from acupuncture to meditation to build up my resilience, some of which I still use today.

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Stuart delivering a presentation

Being a leader

Now 45, I'm a small business owner and I manage a team, which is a challenge I've had to confront. I vividly remember in my early days as a line manager having to make an important announcement concerning departmental changes. I was instructed to read exactly from a pre-prepared statement and really struggled. 

Stammering has not hindered my ability to lead. In fact, in many ways I think my stammer has helped. It has given me empathy to get the best from my team. I encourage open dialogue and where possible, create a safe space where all views are welcome and encouraged. While this has its challenges, I believe it builds a greater team relationship based on trust and relative transparency. 

Stammering has given me empathy to get the best from my team. I encourage open dialogue and where possible, create a safe space where all views are welcome and encouraged. 

I'd say stammering has helped my relationship with my team too; they can see when I'm tired, or stressed, or when I'm finding things challenging — it's called being human! Generally they are very supportive, and this gives me the energy to keep on trying.

I know how stammering can affect mental health, so I place mental wellbeing at the centre of our business values. Physical and mental wellbeing are closely linked and critical to our overall health, so we support our staff with personal life coaches and focused mental health workshops to help them strive to be a better, healthier and more resilient version of themselves.

Presentations

I speak a lot at work — on calls, in meetings, on videos, even at conferences and events. When I present, I found that using a script brings back my anxiety. Being bound to specific sentences and words is challenging. Instead I focus on the message, often applying a discussion style approach, using my knowledge and opinions rather than reading from a pre-defined text. This allows me to be flexible, quickly adapt my language and pause when specific words get caught in my throat. It's an approach that serves me well. 

• See our tips for presentations & public speaking if you stammer

The ability to present to thousands of people has given me the opportunity to understand that my stammer is part of me, and is part of my natural speech. While I can never be fully comfortable when speaking, and things still trip me up, I do have a voice, and people increasingly want to listen.

One final point: my late father also stammered throughout his life. Since his death, I only remember him and his words; I don't remember his stammer at all. So while a stammer is part of you, it does not define you!

My name is Stuart Angell, and I have a stammer.

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(Names mentioned have been changed.)